Do you feel trapped
in the past?
Do you find yourself reliving the same moments again and again, wishing or pretending they’d turned out differently, or that you’d made different choices?
Are you projecting
into the future?
Do you catch yourself tripping forward in time, imagining future events as predetermined, unavoidable, or inevitable?
Is it painful to stay
in the present?
Does your time in the here and now feel too overwhelming? Do you seek out any opportunity to escape the present moment—either by falling into the past, tripping into the future, or through whatever means necessary?
If so, you might benefit from
Fourth Dimensional Thinking
To think fourth dimensionally is to regard ourselves as different identities across the axis of time. This allows us to express greater self-compassion, as we reflect on the choices of our Past Self, the potential of our Future Self, and the agency of our Present Self.
Though inspired by depictions of time travel in popular culture, fourth dimensional thinking requires accepting that the past can never change, and the future can never be known. Instead, it focuses on our agency over the choices we make, and when in time we have that agency.
This is, by necessity, a self-centered philosophy. There are many things in our lives that we have no control over. But we do have control over our choices. Exercising that control, and making better choices, requires us to feel compassion, acceptance, and care for our Selves across time.
The false promise of time travel in science fiction is that we can somehow improve our history by minimizing the time we spend in the present…
…but our present is the only time we have.
Accept your Past Self.
You cannot change who you were: the choices you made; the actions you took; the hurt you may have caused yourself or others.
To accept your Past Self is not to condone those choices, but rather to acknowledge that what happened, happened.
Ignoring or denying the actions of your past self allows you to keep making the same mistakes. And resenting them for their choices can lead to perpetuating cycles of negative self-image. In accepting who you were, and understanding their choices, you can express compassion toward that part of yourself, and make different choices for the future.
Don’t linger in the past; accept it, learn from it, and change in the present.
Care for your Future Self.
The choices you make today will affect your Future Self tomorrow. In this way, you are a caregiver to them. They rely on you to help them thrive.
We can easily end up in cycles of resenting our Past Selves when their choices have made things harder for us in the present. Breaking this cycle requires caring enough about your Future Self to make better choices for them.
Imagine it’s evening, and the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes. You might feel too tired to clean up and want to leave them for the morning. But your Future Self will wake up tomorrow with a sink full of dirty dishes, which they’ll have to clean up before they can make breakfast. They’ll resent you for your past choice, because it made their present more difficult.
Instead of perpetuating that cycle, you can choose to view washing the dishes not as a burden on your present, but as an act of care and loving kindness toward your Future Self. So your Future Self can have an easier time with their morning, and feel appreciation for what you did for them.
Many unhealthy behaviors can feel good in the moment, but will have negative impacts on your Future Self. Consider your choices, and act as a caregiver for the you yet to come.
Compassion for your Future Self can lead to gratitude for your past.
Believe in your Present Self.
As you are reading this, you are your Present Self.
Your present is the only time in which you have the power to change. Your past is immutable, and your future only exists based on your actions in the present.
Right now, this is the time when you can make better choices. But in order to do so, you have to believe that you are capable of change—that who you were doesn’t have to be who you are, and that who you will be in the future relies entirely on who you choose to be in the present. Believe in your ability to be better to your Selves.
Reflect on the past, think of the future, and act in the present.
Think Fourth Dimensionally
You must accept your Past Self in order to learn from them.
You must care for your Future Self in order to make better choices for them.
And you must believe in your Present Self in order to change for the better.
All of this requires compassion for your Selves across time. And knowing that your truest agency lives in the present moment, and the choices you make here, now.
As you live in the present moment, and consider your choices, ask yourself:
Am I thinking
fourth dimensionally?
Fourth Dimensional Thinking is inspired by Dr. Marsha M. Linehan, and her development of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (or DBT).